With all the discussion about the role of Moms and
motherhood in this year’s political circus, maybe it’s appropriate that an
admiring dad just say it: In my opinion, there is no harder job in
the universe than being a caring, nurturing stay-at-home mother.
The ‘Kansas Experiment’
Tom remembers only too well when his daughters were ages 2
and 4, and he tried to fill Mom’s shoes. Let’s be clear up front. (Now we
really do sound like politicians!) Tom is not looking for accolades. He walked
into the job quite willingly, thinking that this would be a great opportunity
to stay home and write while his wife slayed the dragons in the 8 to 5 jungle.
It required moving the family from Ohio to Kansas. It meant selling one house
and buying another. It necessitated living in a townhouse for a month in a new
city surrounded by strangers and anonymity. And yet, Tom was pumped. He looked
forward to a new life of independence away from the demands and irritants of
traditional office life.
Two-year … sentence?
It must be apparent by now that this was not a two-day or
two-week babysitting stint. Tom’s newly found independent life—his Walden Pond existence—would
be a two-year run.
Not to seem ungrateful for the opportunity to bond with his
daughters, Tom confesses that there were some wonderful moments. However, he
has hand-picked the word “moment.” Kansas was a tough, exhausting, maddening,
hair-pulling and incredibly eye-opening experience that led to self-discovery
and a heap of humility.
No great American
novel
It wasn’t too long after settling into their new home that
several realizations struck Tom between his dark-encircled eyes. He was not
going to get much writing done. Food did not magically appear in the ‘frig. The
girls were much too young to cook their own meals. When the younger daughter
yelled, “Dad, I’m done!” … it did not mean she was finished coloring and wanted
to show him her work of art. Clothes got dirty barely out of the drawer, and
the hamper filled up faster than the kitchen sink that finally spilled over
because dad was busy collecting green beans off the carpet. (He also discovered
pieces of hotdog under the table from two nights ago.)
Ah, the life of a writer.
A grueling gift
Some things transcend politics and egos and posturing and
competing for the gold. Being a stay-at-home parent—a Mom in most cases—is a
gift beyond measure. But it’s also grueling, mostly lonely and often thankless
work. And if Mom has additional roles outside the home, there’s no way to thank
her enough.
Dad, you and the kids should try to thank Mom anyway. Thank
her for the Mom she was and still is. She will appreciate it. Anyone—male or
female—who belittles the role of a stay-at-home Mom has only been a babysitter.
Parting thoughts
Every husband ought to be a full-time Mr. Mom for at least
one year. The family finances may take a hit, but the return on time invested
will make up for it. Second, parenting should be kept out of politics. And
finally, the Tozer girls survived the two years in Kansas, and Tom couldn’t
wait to get back to the office!
(This is an example of
the weekly column under the banner “Dad2Dad” that Bill Black and Tom Tozer write for
several newspapers in Tennessee. It comes out on Tuesdays in The Daily News
Journal. This one will appear May 8. Feel
free to visit dnj.com.)
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