Dear Hand Raiser,

It’s not that I’m making fun, but I have to wonder why you find it necessary to raise your arms and bless the air with your palms facing out while you’re singing a hymn. I know I shouldn’t judge. I should be there to praise God as I choose, and I should mind my own business and let you praise God as you choose. But I just can’t help but mind your business. Are your outstretched arms antennae that you hope will pick up a providential signal from the most high? Or are you simply trying to impress everyone behind you with your piousness? Why do you gesticulate so? Seems to me it’s a little like making a public show of prayer instead of going inside a closet and praying in private. Are you trying to set an example for us stiff and stilted heathens behind you? Honestly, I do try to avert my eyes and focus on my relationship with my creator. But my eyes are drawn to your contortions. Would you please do me a favor—and I hope I’m not asking too much. Would you please stop doing that so that I can worship. If you must flail and sway to the music, go to a rock concert.

Reverently yours,

P.S. On second thought, this is a rock concert. Hallelujah, brother!